Reviews roundup – Foetal Juice vs. Lalu vs. White Coast Rebels
FOETAL JUICE
Big Trouble In Little Vagina
Grindscene 2013
I’m not making this up, you know. I realise it seems like I’ve had one of my turns, but this is an actual record from an actual band.
Foetal Juice are a four piece death metal band from Manchester, who’ve been on the scene since 2005. with a few demos to their name, as well as an appearance on the Grindscene compilation “A Split Worse Than Death”. This EP, however, sees them flowering like a bud in spring.
Their debut EP, “Donnakababy”, saw them on some high profile tours, and this raw and ragged follow-up should keep their profile high. If vicious, old school, death metal is your thing, you won’t go far wrong with the likes of ‘Brewkakke’ and ‘Service Station Masturbation’. And even if you think they’re shit, buy a T-shirt and impress your Mum.
LALU
Atomic Ark
Sensory 2013
After that, it’s a relief to head back into the warm waters of progressive rock. And French proggers, Lalu, have pulled out the big guns here.
It’s been nine years since keyboardist and composer Vivien Lalu (who is Laul) released his debut, “Oniric Metal”. Nine years which have seen him turn his back on epic proggus and, instead, turn to short, prog metal songs. Which is nice.
Luckily for me, he hasn’t forgotten the metal part of “Oniric Metal”, and there are some crushing tunes here. Songs like ‘War On Animals’ and ‘Slaughtered’ are immense. Returning vocalist Martin LeMar of Mekong Delta does a bang up job, and this really is a tremendous record. And for those who need their dose of the epic, then look no further than the closing twenty minutes of ‘Revelations’. That should keep yo uhappy for a long time.
Apart from Lalu and LeMar, the main band is guitarists Joop Wolters of Shadrane and Simon Mularoni of DGM, Symphony X bassist Mike LePond is there, as is Planet X drummer Virgil Donati. And if those guns weren’t big enough, how about Jens Johansson of Stratovarius and Jordan Rudess of Dream Theater on keyboards, Marco Sfogli of James LaBrie on guitars, Mike Andersson of Cloudscape on vocals, and Peter Wildoer of Darkane on drums. You may commence wetting yourselves.
WHITE COAST REBELS
Hangin’ With The Bad Boys
White Coast Rebels
Are ye feart? Well, you should be. Because they’re Rebels. And they’re Bad Boys. The mean streets of Benidorm quake when they strut down the road. And if you don’t go on holiday there, or if you didn’t seem them on the TV show, then you might have caught them opening for Blaze Bayley earlier in 2013.
Luckily for all concerned, the Rebels have their tongues planted firmly in their cheeks. Something you would know had you heard their single ‘No Cliche Left Unturned’. Despite their biker image, they’re actually an eighties cheese fest of glam metal and sleaze rock.
Led by Jonny Hellraizer (which I am assured is his real name), who strangles his vocals like the tormented ghost of Taime Down, the band clatter their way through a set of Pretty Boy Floyd B-sides, with the title track, ‘Lock Up Your Daughters’ and ‘I Love You Baby-Baby’ taking me back to my misspent youth. If you weren’t there, you might not get it, but I had a blast.
All women looked like this when I was 19. Fact.
The Rocker - The Artist Formerly Known As Zeitgeist. TAFKAZ 
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