DVD Review: Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft
Now you might have thought from the cover (pictured below) that you were in for some kind of medieval romp. Well, you’d be wrong. Because this no-budget rip off of the other Hansel & Gretel film is in with a shout for being one of the worst films ever.
And not just because trading standards should be having a word. See, the entire film is set in a present day American high school, without a hint of swords, castles or beasties. I say present day, but about 20 minutes of the 80 minutes running time is taken up with 20 year old stock footage of a school. Even better, it’s the same three pieces of stock footage – a concrete building, a directions sign and some general milling, with a fat lass wandering in stage left.
The stars Booboo and Fivel Stewart obviously have serious ambitions about world domination, but I suspect that Booboo (who is a boy) peaked when he appeared as a werewolf in one of the Twilight films, as things like dialogue and facial expressions aren’t really his strong point. Fivel (pictured above) is marginally better, but in a teenage soap opera kind of way. She’s be the less “talented” best pal in a remake of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
The big names here are Eric Roberts and Vanessa Angel. A sentence that has never been used before. And will never be used again. I’m not sure what ails Mr Roberts these days, but he seems to either have had a minor stroke, or was in he midst of the DTs during filming. Witness his sensei type scene with Fivel Stewart, which involves him training her to fight witches via the medium of swatting baseballs. Except it’s quite obvious he’s throwing nothing. Scarily for Vanessa Angel (of Weird Science the TV show fame), Eric Roberts has aged better. Although her lips could go solo in any forthcoming Nemo sequels. But at least she’s not Cherie Currie from The Runaways who also puts in a plank like appearance.
It’s a film riddled with continuity errors, plot holes and bad acting, saved by nothing at all. If this had been an episode of something like Teen Wolf the TV show, it would have been regarded as filler. As a film it should be buried under 20 feet of concrete, never to be seen again.
The Rocker - The Artist Formerly Known As Zeitgeist. TAFKAZ 
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