A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin
My rating: 2 of 5 stars
Once upon a time there were dragons amongst us. But then the Wibblers and the Wobblers fought over the dragon eggs while the Lords of BlahBlah hid in their wintry snow castle of Brummagen. But then the dwarfs and the wolves mated to create a nightmare more nightmarish than the worst nightmare anyone could have a nightmare about. And then some lass got her tits out and everyone forgot about it for a while. And, lo, it continued for several hundred pages too many, and there was a-wailing and a-gnashing of teeth while the world waited for someone to invent the DVD box set, for at least then you could nip oot for a pee during the dull bits.
The Rocker - The Artist Formerly Known As Zeitgeist. TAFKAZ 
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