SPIDER Fest II – From Socialism to Nu-Spider

After the failure of their attempted sovietisation of the collective BOOGIE, the loveable Scousers SPIDER had to rethink their strategy. Amazingly, this involved getting a second major record deal, moving from RCA to A&M, toughening up their sound and unleashing their ultimate BOOGIE anthem “Here We Go Rock’n’Roll“!

But if they thought restoring the words rock and roll to their BOOGIE would bring about the collapse of Thatcherism, yet again they were to be proven sadly wrong. Their dismay at the inability of the Great British public to recognise the power of collective BOOGIE and how by doing so they could transform the inherent nation of the monarchist nation state into a forward looking sociodynamic theocracy of BOOGIE believers caused massive internal dissent.

And so it was that SPIDER managed to get a THIRD major record deal, this time with PRT. But gone was the youthful idealism. A late night putsch saw the death of the old SPIDER and the arrival of Nu-SPIDER with a mantra called “Gimme Gimme It All“, a love song to the brilliant mind and physical beauty of Maggie “The Thatch” Thatcher. Their old  fans were alienated and the new audience they were seeking stayed true to their Spandau Ballet loving roots, no doubt helped by their firm belief that everything from Liverpudlia is pure evil. And a desire to hold on to their hubcaps. The SPIDER dream was dead. Hope was swept from the land, and Great Britain was plunged into a wintry BOOGIE free epoch we’re still living through.

The members of SPIDER dispersed far and wide;
Drummer Rob E Burrows (2nd right above) decided to stick with politics and try to forge a career elsewhere. He failed and is now leader of the Conservative Party.

Bassist Brian Burrows (far left above) managed to turn his perverse hobby of animal sodomy into a paying career in entertainment. Using the stage name Bob Carolgees he became a mainstay on childrens TV fisting a small terrier called Spit.

Lead guitarist Sniffa (far right above) also stuck to the world of entertainment, and as draq queen Lily Savage ended up with a daytime TV show, and was honoured in this years Queens Birthday Honours list. Arise, Sir Sniffa.

Singing guitarist Col Harkness (above 2nd left) moved to America to puruse his musical dreams. One day he went into the wrong audition room and ended up playing the role of David St Hubbins in the movie Spinal Tap. Not the sharpest tool in the box, he didn’t know he’d went to the wrong place and believed he was playing in a real band. To this day, no-one has had the heart to tell him.

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